


his name was narcissus

by neeash



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Feelings, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Teacher-Student Relationship, Unrequited Love, kind of, poker pair, uh what am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neeash/pseuds/neeash
Summary: Behold Professor Tyki Mikk and his student Allen Walker who has this knack for staring at his teacher for all the wrong reasons.





	1. Chapter 1

The seminar was a space for learning with walls painted a muted white and sparsely decorated to enable the potential for erudition. Or some ancient scientists claimed it to be. Tyki personally preferred a greyscale palette but who was he to diverge from facts.

He loosened his black tie a little, easing the constriction from his windpipe as he breathed a little easier, reverberating words falling from his lips in an accustomed fashion. His students clambered to capture his ideas onto paper and screens, a couple sleeping with their eyes open and others leisurely tapping on their phones. There wasn’t much Tyki could do about those who didn’t listen, nor did he feel inclined to. His job was to teach, not inspire the next Shakespeare.

However, as his casual gaze ran over faceless faces, his eyes were ensnared by a certain pair of gleaming grey ones. Like balls of molten silver, illuminated by the overhead lights of the room and flickering through shades like a pale flame, they were bright. He was seated a substantial length of rows away from Tyki, but close enough to be teasingly infuriating for those eyes of his never left him.

For weeks Tyki had ignored all connotations of his lip biting, his downcast eyes and lithe fingers dancing sensuality into the table. He dismissed the scalding heat that burnt him every time their eyes connected over the room, the way his throat ran dry at the sight of his tongue moistening his lips to a shine like a trophy. Or even the way whorls of heat boiled within him, deep in his abdomen, scorching and butterfly-like as his student smiled ever so innocently at him – _as if he knew what he was doing_.

And Tyki was so fucking sure that that minx knew exactly what he was doing to him.

The class ended with Tyki reminding them of their impending assignment due date, and soon students were filing out like rabid cockroaches, diving for exits from the presence of humans. He turned off the board, in the midst of unplugging the charger from his laptop when staccato footsteps gallivanted towards him, the heels of their shoes sounding like someone playing the castanets. His fingers twitched at his presence as Tyki decided to wait a few droned out agonising seconds before acknowledging the man in front of him, patient and calm.

“Professor Mikk. I have a question about the assignment.”

His voice was a beguiling probe into Tyki’s nonchalant demeanour, ramming against the walls of his semblance of control with each lilt of his tone. Like a siren.

Tyki pretended that he was doing something awfully important while he snuck a glance at his student. “Ah, Allen.” _Allen_. “What can I do for you?”

Allen inched a little closer while he talked, his fidgeting fingers finding solace on Tyki’s table, nails painted the darkest of blacks against his pale skin as he rapped them in harmony to his words. “Well, _Professor_ , you said that the topic we choose has no limitations but I was wondering whether you could, perhaps, guide me in the right direction.”

Allen wasn’t very tall so Tyki felt a sort of dominative feeling spread through him as he shifted on his feet, eyes dragging down many inches to meet with Allen’s reciprocating gaze. He wore a turtleneck that embraced the undulations of his body as if it had been vacuumed packed, outlining every bump and curve of him as if he were wearing nothing at all.

Gods, Tyki should not be thinking of his student like this. He should just send him away and carry on like normal and not listen to his raging hormones.

“Surely a young intelligent man like yourself can deal with it just fine.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Allen drawled, eyes alight with his glaring smile as he shuffled that little bit closer, wisps of hair falling across his face so carelessly that Tyki just wanted to muse them back into place. “I have no doubt in my abilities. I’ve been told by many that my experiences outweigh my age.”

 Tyki stilled. _Okay_.

Were they still talking about the assignment?

“That’s-“ _Fucking hot_. “Great. You’ll have no problem with it. Then, if you’ll excuse me…”

 Professionalism and acting suave was in Tyki’s nature, charisma rooted deep within the motion of his body. And then there was that little crack of balance which curbed his sense of control, his mind driving on the brink of madness but that was a rare occurrence in his life. Everyone had a point when they just _let go_.

  So, what was this sense of inferiority Tyki felt when he talked to Allen? A boy who drowned in delicacy and frail bones, susceptible to the cold and so pale he looked sick. He couldn’t be someone who would lose against a being like that, not someone like him.

Perhaps it was because it had been going on for a while. This game of cat and mouse. The lingering looks across the hall and come-hither motions of Allen’s fingers that Tyki wanted to kiss and worship, run his tongue along his knuckles and suck on the tips, sensual and slow. Graze each limb with his teeth and pierce through the skin until he tasted blood, thick and hot on his lips.

There was no denying a kind of carnal desire Tyki had towards sweet, sweet Allen. A torrent of horrid emotions that had him surreptitiously imagining things, feeling things so filthy and dirty.

Even though that was the sort of liaison he encouraged, somehow envisioning a student of his in the same manner had him a little reticent about it all. Was it the protruding age difference? Not that it helped Allen’s case that he appeared younger than he was – _which was of legal age,_ added the devil on Tyki’s shoulder.

Was it because Allen Walker was a walking dissonant piece of flesh?

Tyki was in his private office, willing himself to work on something else than dissecting his situation with Allen. But the boy really was a contradiction, he thought ponderingly. What with his innocent appearance, the wide depths of his eyes and baby plump in his cheeks.

It was virginal, really. Therefore, his lascivious behaviour greatly contrasted against his own self so it riddled the man confused.

And maybe Tyki didn’t know what he wanted from Allen. If he wanted something at all – more than what he thought it would be.

 

***

Days fell over one another like dominos, the previous ones laying forgotten. Tyki was shuffling through essays, red pen twirling in his hand as the other flicked through pages. He’d get this deadline over with and then drink a nice bourbon, and perhaps visit his sister. It had been a while.

            He looked up at the quiet knocks on his door, almost inaudible if not for the fact that Tyki was focussing on everything but what he was meant to be doing. Calling out an approved entry, he froze at the identification of the intrusion, darting his eyes around his room and letting them linger behind as the door clicked closed behind him.

            Peace and quiet.

            Just how Tyki liked it.

            Tapping his pen against his missives, he forced an amiable smile to crease his face. “Allen. What can I do for you?”

            Allen was wearing a white button-down shirt that was barely a few shades lighter than his porcelain skin and it made him look ethereal. Like God had sent him down from heaven to judge Tyki, scarce of blemishes and wholly pure. That’s what Allen looked like, at first.

            But Tyki knew- he _knew_.

            Allen was no angel.

            And that thought wired his veins to spark electricity through his blood, sizzling and almost nauseating. He had to get a hold of himself.

            “There’s a few things you can do for me actually, Professor Mikk,” Allen replied, the tone of his voice playfully edging into a deep tenor, sending goose bumps across Tyki’s arms despite the proximity.

            Oh, fuck me, groaned Tyki in his mind. He didn’t get paid enough for this.

            “Well, I’ll try my best.”

            Nodding, Allen planted himself on the chair opposite Tyki’s, meeting his eyes easily and holding on like a vice. He watched the older man like he knew something he didn’t. Like he was playing poker. “You’re a smart man, Professor.”

            “I can’t disagree with that.”

            Allen grinned at that, all sharp white teeth and pretty pink lips. It made Tyki gulp. Twice. “And I think there’s something you can do for me. Something only, _you_ can do.”

            A sudden hot flush made Tyki shift uncomfortably in his leather chair but he didn’t let anything show, it was all sophistication and brevity lining Tyki’s face. But he could hear the clock ticking away the present in the background, positioned on the wall but sounding so close as if it had besieged his mind. He had let go of his pen and was finding his hands were itching to do something, to touch and caress and hurt-

            “You have quite the blind faith in me, Allen.”

            “I think it’s accredited.”

            “Ah, so not coming from a source of flattery?”   

            “I don’t lie, Professor Mikk.”

“But you taunt, don’t you?” The words were leaving Tyki’s mouth before he could even think to stop them. “It’s not quite dishonesty that you’re showing me. You’re just not telling the whole truth.”

There was some sort of aggravation glinting Allen’s eyes to a dull shine which had Tyki second-guessing his approach but then he noticed it. It was hard to miss now that he was looking for something not akin to innocence. It was almost animalistic, the expression in Allen’s eyes and tilt of his lips, like he was a predator eyeing up the best prey of his life. The young man stared straight _into_ Tyki, leaning on the edge of his seat and letting his teeth browse his bottom lip in a deliberate motion, puckering them momentarily before settling into an easy smile.

            “And what _is_ it that I’m not saying, Professor?”  

Shifting his elbow onto his desk, Tyki shuffled his chin into the hammock of his intertwined hands, half of his expression obscured by them as his eyes gleamed like golden coins. They were as close as they could be to each other without leaving their chairs and the air was becoming stifling with unresolved tension, heavy and thick and warm.

Of course, Allen knew the answer to his question, and though it was more of a rhetoric Tyki could feel an answer brewing at the tip of tongue, teasingly pushing its way out from his mouth. Because then, with this it’ll all end. Whatever this was.

He could finish this immorality by denying Allen what he so desperately wanted because that would be the adult thing to do, and that’s what Tyki was. It wouldn’t be right for him as an authoritative figure to take advantage of a situation like this, not when right now, he was shuffling the cards.

However, before Tyki could let the words slip, they shrivelled up into dormancy like a passing spider. He could have laughed, guttural and heartily because of the realisation. There Allen was, a clear patience evening out the hunger in his eyes and that told the older man all he had to know then. He wasn’t the one in charge here.

Allen was.

“You want me to fuck you.”

A highly pretty laugh left Allen’s mouth, tickling Tyki’s ears like a brief brush of lips. “Such a smart man,” was all Allen said before he hauled himself onto the desk, mindless of all the important papers and documents. He moved like a cat, back arched perfectly and Tyki waited until he was close enough, eyelids fluttering and heart racing.

His fingers were white and thin as they reached Tyki’s cheek, Allen’s position rendering Tyki to lie back into his own chair, waiting. His eyes were darker up close, like a storm, a miasma of grey smoke and Tyki was choking on it. Slowly, Allen pressed his lips to Tyki’s, soft and drawn-out, like it was his first kiss.

And that was a fucking lie and a half.

Eyelashes brushed against Tyki’s cheekbones as Allen kissed him gently, his cold fingers tenderly prying the curls out of Tyki’s hair as he ran them through it. It was a nice prelude, thought Tyki as heat gnawed at his crotch, his mind dizzy with the fact that these virginal kisses weren’t _close_ enough to satisfy him.

So Tyki grabbed onto Allen’s collar and yanked him forward, sending him sprawling into his lap. And perhaps it hurt him more than it should have but Tyki could save that for later as he swallowed Allen’s yelp into his mouth, tasting and licking all he could reach.

His mouth was hot and wet and Tyki groaned deep in his throat because of it, feeling Allen’s tongue meet his own in a frenzy. He wanted it to go on for longer, _forever_ but they were weak human beings at the end of the day and oxygen was, well, a necessity. Laboured breath fanned Tyki’s face as a pink flush dusted Allen’s cheeks, his lips bitten red and wet with spit. He had moved to sit securely in Tyki’s lap, legs collapsed on either side of the older man’s.

“You’re an incorrigible boy,” Tyki said, voice a deep baritone and rough with lust.

Allen suddenly leant forward and bit Tyki on his bottom lip. The concentrated pain bloomed into a trickle of hot blood and he found himself on the brink of a hoarse moan, the sound caught in his throat as Allen gently sucked at his work, easing the pain away to a dull throb. “I’m not a boy.”

Tyki smiled in response and in retrospect, for all that followed that evening – Allen was a man.  


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 

It had been almost two months since that fateful encounter in Tyki’s office in which clandestine actions occurred behind a rigid, locked door.

Where there was jettisoned clothing sprawled amongst miscellany in the room, furtive whispers of encouragement burning hot like candlewax between them and stimulating brushes of fingers against shoulders, their nails cutting into skin with both of them drenched in white bands of pleasure.

 If Tyki was a romantic then he’d claim to think about that day all the time, but he wasn’t and Allen had resolutely gone far and beyond to overwrite that memory with raunchier ones. So, it wasn’t chivalry that caused the older man to ponder on the boy’s pale skin, white like a canvas that he used his teeth to paint red dots on or think of the way it pulled taut over Allen’s ribs, and his hipbones which were a little too sharp. Or recall the litany of moans that generously left his pink lips, every sound an alternating coalition of notes that weaved into a song _no_ other man dared to sing.

Tyki wasn’t obsessed. No, he was simply intrigued for the moment, for that bereft but hedonistic time he was going to share with Allen. They didn’t have a promise, nor anything that tied them together like the officialization of a relationship – _they just fucked_.

And that was fine.

He grazed the pads of his fingers across indiscriminate keyboard letters, eyes staring at the laptop screen but seeing pass it completely. The motivation to do his job was swiftly leaving his blood like quicksand so he decided that now was the best time to go for a smoke. It wasn’t as if there was work to be done – _there was_ – that couldn’t be postponed to a later date. 

Tugging on his blazer and stealing a pack of cigarettes from his bag, Tyki sauntered out of his office, his long legs striding through the crowd with ease and eyes circumventing every opportunity to instigate a conversation until he reached the usual alcove he smoked at. It was exclusively meant for staff but he occasionally caught a couple of students loitering around – and even though he wasn’t one to staunchly follow the policies, he made the exceptional effort to tell them to fuck off nicely.

If there was one thing Tyki cared for in this rotten world, it was solitary smoking.

  He surveyed the usual scene while augmenting the tar painting his lungs to a fine polish, watching as smoke dispersed into the pockets of the wind. There wasn’t much else one could do while smoking, except browse their phone in this day and age but obviously Tyki had ever so responsibly left it behind, therefore he was preoccupied with doing everything else – _nothing_.

But then, almost out of sight, Tyki caught the scene of two pigeons fluttering around on top of a lamp post. One of them was a pecking senselessly at its seat, the dark beak scrapping up pandemonium against the metal while the other of the pair hovered closely behind, mimicking its every move, like the perfect shadow. He speculated on whether it was a form of birdy courting, and nearly chocked on his cigarette at the observation of the next act. 

The superior of the two abruptly flapped its wings about, as if perturbed and vexed with the other’s presence and thus sent the latter in a flurry of feathers as they declined from the lamp, snatched out of Tyki’s sight.

His blinks were staccato while pressing the butt of his cigarette against the wall and immediately treading on it as he twisted to depart for his office. His thoughts and feelings had suddenly unravelled, laid naked and cold and _penetrable_.

Perhaps humans shouldn’t let the actions of animals influence them or colour their judgement in any way but Tyki was a carnivorous literary nerd and unearthed metaphors even when they shouldn’t exist.

And especially if it concerned someone like Allen Walker who seemed to run his mind dry thinking about sex, jaded from advances that entailed further development and wholly impervious against the idea of actual sincerity.

Acute philosophy concerning such a creature was incongruous.

 

*

 

Later that day, in the husk of evening light Tyki was packing up his things when his phone vibrated precariously on the edge of his desk. Not wanting to risk something messy, he retrieved it immediately and listlessly scanned the screen while prudently attempting to swell his bag with his laptop and important missives. It was a text from Allen:

_Allen: I’ll be there by nine._

There was no prelude to the statement, not an ounce of context provided for the precipitant but Tyki had grown accustomed to Allen’s pedantic ways and simply replied with approval. He wasn’t in the mood to get any work done nor did he have any plans for the night. Inviting friends or family around left a sour taste in his mouth at the thought so having Allen there was enough, for whatever enough was.

Allen arrived at the time he said, his closed eye smile on full display when Tyki opened the door to his apartment.

“Professor, imagine meeting you here.”

Tyki resisted the strongest urge to roll his eyes back into his skull, as deep and dark as they could go before he said dryly, “just get in.”

            With a sly smile, Allen blinked up at Tyki, catching his gaze with a familiar stare that had the other enraptured by his inherent beguiling sensuality. “Of course, who am I to disobey the words of a respected superior like yourself.”

            Even though the little shit had instigated the entire _thing_.

            A shower of rain dampened Allen’s coat and moistened the ends of his hair, the white locks almost translucent in the overhead light, creating a sort of halo-like shimmer. And from a stranger’s perspective it wouldn’t appear inharmonious in accordance to Allen’s character but Tyki had the time really _see_ the guy for who he was, peer past the epidermis and usurper.

            Allen was a monster.

            That he liked to fuck. To be fucked with. And well- _liked_.

            The self-proclamation from a couple of hours ago remained a little too raw from birth, too young to be handled and bisected with the pros and cons of feeling such a way. There was nothing to gain from liking Allen except a broken heart and the romanticist within Tyki was starved on the realisation and yet the Shakespearean adjacent was thriving on it.

            And nothing had even happened yet.

            Allen’s coat had already been disregarded and his fingers danced a motif along the hem of his shirt, tantalisingly slow as he smiled at Tyki. “What? Do I have to take my own clothes off too?”

            “That’s usually how it works,” Tyki said almost bitterly without meeting his eyes, unable to contain that frustration that came with unrequited love. Not that it was love, definitely not, but let it simmer for any longer and Tyki didn’t think he’d be able to help himself anymore. Even though it was all so wrong. Even though it _had_ to be wrong.

            But instead of curtailing Tyki’s blatant indignancy with a snide remark and removing his clothes, Allen gently laid his arms at his side and though he made no physical move towards the taller man, Tyki could feel that he was closer. Whatever that meant.

            “Are you okay? Should I just go- “

            “ _No_.”

            And it was dissonant how much Tyki yearned for Allen to stay and simultaneously wishing for him to disappear. He wasn’t interested in trying to understand it all, just wanted it all to disperse into the nothingness it was birthed from. To simply forget and move on, but could things ever be so simple with Allen?

            He supposed this was all easy for Allen and the thought made him queasy, alien in his own skin and Tyki sought to detach, to _disassociate_. To mindlessly wade in the vulnerable waves life threw at him, drowning and gasping for air.

            God, love really disinterred the theatrics of a person.

            “Allen, look I,” Tyki started before catching himself with both metaphorical hands over his mouth, blubbering out the rest of his words to incoherence.

            What was the point in explaining? To Allen who would arch his perfect eyebrows at him, steely eyes pitying another prey that had fallen into his trap and the pretty rejection that would fall from his lips.

            But it wasn’t as if Tyki knew Allen in any way. Yeah, he had seen him bare, eyes dewed from overstimulation, his pleasure wrecked body painted in loving bruises and bites, screaming and begging. He had seen all that, felt him in every way but he didn’t know him.

            And perhaps that’s why Tyki decided to like Allen. Because he knew nothing about him and yearned to get in between the crevice of his mind, to make a home there and be on Allen’s mind like he was for Tyki.

            Tyki wanted to know Allen. He wished to learn and study and revise the entire anatomy that made Allen, _Allen._

            But the boy would never let him, never tell him, never open his heart up like he did his legs. Because it was easy, Tyki supposed, to be intimate with someone without really being at the same time. Perhaps sex was the only thing Allen needed to feed his natural hunger for closeness, to not be alone without giving himself away an inch. Without letting himself get broken and beaten and _used_ because he was the dealer in every situation.

            And Tyki was simply just a player like the billion others in Allen’s world.

            Shrugging himself of the thoughts, he stepped close to Allen, intruding his personal space without hesitation. “Sorry, I just had a bad day,” He stroked Allen’s cheek, and it was cold from the rain outside and soft like fresh, unblemished skin. The slight nuzzling response had Tyki smile a little on the inside, as he continued to run his hand across Allen’s face, snaking around his neck to gently tug at the ends of his hair. “Forget it, okay?”

            Allen never let Tyki see anything even though he had seen him naked as he just stared ponderously with those wide, stormy grey eyes of his, a whirling tempest of something undefinable. He pressed his chest onto Tyki’s, almost blindly falling into him as if he didn’t have to second guess whether he would catch him.

            “ _Make me_.”

            Lips were on lips, tongues tasting and delving in and out as they drank in each other’s sounds, moving in absolute tandem as either grasped for more. It was feverish and tense, so sudden like an accumulating wave jarringly crashing on a shore. The buttons on Tyki’s trousers were unopened, Allen’s shirt jettisoned and his jeans already sliding down his pale legs.

            Even though Tyki could get this close, he knew he was further from Allen’s truth but he was helpless and starving as he pushed him onto the plush sofa, sprawled and lascivious, deciding that he would steal what he could get, for as long as Allen let him.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be a lot sexier and at first it was going in that direction but somehow it just turned out angsty lol
> 
> perhaps the next chapter will be a little hotter, I kind of want it to be. 
> 
> anyway thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this was just something to get me back into writing (haven't written for over two months blafoaimdf) 
> 
> I want to do another part to this. I will, in the near future, whenever that might be. and I don't even know why THIS is what I wanted to write. but I'll take it. professor mikk sounds nice lol 
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading!!


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